Life

Sometimes, I just need to relax.
Lately, even though it's break, I'm too emotional.
Maybe cause I'm scared.
Scared for my future.
First semester's already over.
It was good.
But, what if I don't make it till the end.
I don't know.
I'm stressed and I shouldn't be.
I need a good cry.
A hug.
A it will be okay.
Cause right now,
I feel worried, fear.

God please help me not worry.
I think it's time for to relax.

It's going to be okay :)

So during this weekend, I finally had a realization, something big that really helped me out. I realized that, from now for who knows how long, this is how my life will be and I have to adapt to these changes. It's not something bad, just so different for me and it will take time to face these changes, but I can do it. Things won't go my way, but I can always make the best of everything right? No matter how hard something gets, I'll deal with it.

I know it's going to be okay, and that I have to keep moving, even if I have to move fast, it's ok. This is the time, where I can achieve all of my dreams and goals as long as I work for them. That may mean waking up extra early, balancing my social activities, becoming more mature and responsible, doing, instead of waiting and thinking. I can make things happen for me, I'm the only one getting in my way, that's the truth.

I can face any obstacle life decides to throw at me, because now I feel the beginning of something inside of me. Perhaps I'm ready to grow up, become brave, have courage. I'm ready to live my dreams, starting now.

No more thinking, waiting for tomorrow, just wishing, or only hoping.

My dreams are not impossible, though they may be a little hard to reach, but I can do it, with this newfound strength and some time.

I know, iA, it will be alright :)

Ahhh I haven't written in a long time! But now I must:)

These days, I haven't been feeling like myself. I'm constantly down, stressed, emotional. Maybe it's the stress of exams and adjusting to college life, but this feeling, it's sad. I don't know who I am or what I want anymore. I'm not doing my best, I keep messing up, I just don't know anything anymore. My friends are great and I have my family is something I know for sure, but I guess that's all.

When I started school, I told myself I'd never get into the position to feel this way. But now, I feel like a failure, but I just don't why. My motivation, energy, all gone, and I just don't know my purpose in life or where I am heading towards.

Too many lectures to go to and exams to take, too many people to meet, too many people to impress, too many attitudes of people I have to take, too many sleepless nights, too much forgetfulness, too many days of not knowing what to do, too many mistakes, too many wishes, too many hopes, too many dreams, too many broken hearts, too many tears, too many worries.

I just don't know and I pray this feeling will go away soon as time passes. Maybe I have forgotten the important things in life. I've forgotten how not to worry and how to be happy. This isn't me, where has the old me gone? I don't even know :( I know nothing right now, nothing at all. I feel so lonely, yet I have so many caring people around me.

I.....just...don't know

and I wish I did

I guess I just have to be patient and wait

and everything will soon be okay

But right now, nothing is :(

I don't know....

So not really off to a great week :(

I feel sick...

tired...

lost haha...

It's an odd feeling, I just don't feel like myself..

at all

I've been munching alot..

sleeping alot, and yet I'm tired

and I'm fasting..

it's hot outside..

I just don't get it,...it's so blahhhh

I need to go workout!

I guess I need to slow down, stop rushing things, and just enjoy life :)

Though I'm really down right now, I'm sure everything will be ok soon...

Just have to have some patience

Home

So, I haven't posted in a long time. College is going great, of course there are ups and downs, but I gotta keep going with my chin up! I love it so far, I've met some great people, made new friends, and classes are going pretty good! I'm still adjusting though, being on my own, it's so different, and I do miss home sometimes. 8 A.M. English class, I hate it soo much haha, but atleast I get done with classes early which makes me happy =)

This weekend has finally come to an end, so hard to believe, I'm going back to SLU tomorrow already. I'm excited about it, but it was good to be home. I cleared my mind a little, slept..alot ( didn't realize I was that tired!), relaxed, vented, and did some catching up. It was refreshing and felt good =)

I'm more stress free now and up for my third week of SLU!

Hopefully this week will be great

=/

so mad.

yes very mad.

people need to stop.

especially one person.

loser.

grr....

oh well...

6 more days...

Only 6 more days till I start college and well, I really don't think I'm ready yet. As much as I want to be on my own right now, I know I'll miss home though it's not too far away. Things will change, I will change, and I hope that I change for the better. There will be obstacles that I will face and so many people that I will encounter and so I have to remember to stay strong. I have to remember that it will be okay, people will walk in and out of my life, and well I can't let that bring me down, cause if I do, then they will move forward yet I will stay still. As cheesy as it all sounds, I'm feeling a bit emotional and need to let it all out haha. So, I will go ahead, smile and face all my fears, my anxiety about going to SLU, though I am still extremely excited!! But of course, who isn't nervous? Perhaps the packing is making be a little frustrated, not knowing what's going to happen, how things will go, buttt, 'll be alright! Chin up! haha

Pakistan

Pakistan is a lot of fun, besides the dang heat, heat rashes, lizards, haha etc.. I'm so happy I finally got the chance to visit my relatives after three years! Too long!! The plane ride wasn't too bad, I felt as if time passed pretty quickly (Ipod magic?)...I slept a lot in the plane, at one point I told myseld I won't sleep, yet again I fell asleep on the arm rest (neck pain), a guy from the crew was kind enough to turn my seat into a bed, which woke me up around 2 AM, ha ha.

Sooo...

The traffic is crazy here.

Crowded shops.

So many parties coming up = go get clothes tailored....sigh...

Time difference= messed up sleep schedule.

Awesome people.

I feel at peace (kinda haha).

Leaving

Time to go

Hoping that everything goes well

For a safe flight

I'll miss home cause I have to start packing again when I come back and leave for real

This is the summer of packing, that's all I've been doing

Sigh....but it's exciting!

Well, Byeee America for now ^_^

My Blog

This is my first blog, my first time blogging, I'm really excited! I realized that a blog is like a virtutal scrapbook, I can post pictures and decorate it. My memories will be kept safe here and I can look back at it anytime. It makes me happy! ^_^
-2010